Hipsters

I saw you on the street today rocking that canary yellow shirt with gigantic, seventies collar, a Pendleton, brown polyester pants and New Balance kicks. You looked exactly like me ten years ago, except I flew the Pumas and scruffy beards weren’t so much in fashion back then. About the only people who had them were the Pedro the Lion fans, and they tended to wear theirs sans moustache.

As I saw you ambling down the street, two questions came to mind: Was the Goodwill out of trucker hats and Harlem Globetrotters wristbands? And why aren’t you at SXSW?

Now I understand, you may feel you’re way too cool for an industry event like SXSW. It’s actually cooler to stay home and diss it than to go, unless you’re in one of the bands or sleeping with them. But you’re missing out on secret shows, pool parties, and secret shows at pool parties. You’re also missing out on the chance to see how your hipster moves stack up against rock stars from all over the country.

Next year, please try harder. If you’re short on cash, hitchhike. You must know someone who knows someone in Austin who will let you crash in their garage. Or just sleep in the park, that would be pretty punk rock. It’s not like you’ll be planning to wash your hair, anyway.

(Photo via Pierre Lascott)